Meaning on Mar 8th

It’s International Women’s Day and I am stuck in a whole day training, trying to acquire skills for a new certification. Sounds cool, I guess… On such days I cannot stop dark thoughts from invading my whole brain space. I start evaluating my life, as if it is New Years Eve and I need to start making plans for the year. Not that I usually do that, but you get what I mean.

It all comes to MEANING. The meaning of life, the meaning of me as an individual on this planet, the meaning of work and family, the meaning of each aspect of my existence. Those thoughts are not something you can swallow with your morning coffee, those are hard core topics that ideally make you take a week off and hide from the world in your pajamas. I can look objectively at my life, my achievements, the love and joy I am surrounded with every single day. I can also start comparing myself to some extremely successful women who are taking 2 Ivy league courses a week, own several companies and speak on conferences while having 4 kids (2 of which adopted) and killer looks.

Can you guess which road I am taking? You guessed right.

What helps me on such days is sharing my dark thoughts with my friends, my girlfriends. Not sure if a man would be a good fit for such a pity party. What they do is of course tell me how great I am and then we all start complaining about our lives. And nobody really thinks their life is horrible (Thank God!), but we all think we can do more and that we should do more. None of us has a clear idea what this “more” means and if it will satisfy our needs, but we know we want it.

It’s International Women’s Day. We know we want equal rights, equal pay, equal position in the society. We also know that all the changes we experienced in the last century have brought higher expectations — society towards women and each woman towards herself. This is why we want “more”, we never feel enough. Personally I want to be challenged, I want to make the impossible happen, I want to be known as a strong and independent person who can achieve everything she puts on her mind. I also want to be loved, taken care of, cuddled. Still often those two versions of a woman are not accepted as part of the same person, still too many stereotypes live and are being reinforced from politicians, business reps and the news.

Before this writing starts turning into a feminist pamphlet, be sure that things are always better than you perceive them in the current moment. I will open a bottle of wine in a few minutes and I will forget about the dark thoughts that are haunting me all day. I often find comfort in the certainty that I can do everything I want in life and if something is not happening to me (not for me, it would mean someone else needs to do it instead of me), it means I do not want it hard enough. I know that for many people this is not the case and that we all have our personal fears and blockers. When questioning your existence and your MEANING, look around you and find your inspiration. If you are a woman, look for the amazing women around you — not necessary the business owners and politicians, your mom, your friends, your colleagues will do just fine, as each of us fights daily battles and comes out of them stronger and better.

And don’t forget the wine. Wine never lets you down!